Grief

I smell you, like wet grass after a rain

Like ferns growing under Cedar trees,

Honeysuckle in early Spring, Morning Glories,

Bergamot, and pine.

I feel you on the breeze, dancing through my hair,

Whispering echos of days gone by.

The warmth of the sun evades me.

I’m numb, the pain greater than my mind can stand.

I fall to the ground, beating my fists into the dirt, my tears saturating the earth.

Praying, hoping somehow my tears will spring forth life, and you would flourish once again. 

An Almond tree flowering, giving forth seed, Roses in full bloom, Lavender in never ending fields.

The tallest evergreen!

My insides weep, my soul cries, my hair feels loss from root to tip, stark white from grief, like Lillies of the Valley, they too weep.

The clouds can’t hold my tears, they fall like rain, and hail, uncontainable thunderous storms avail.

I wait on the Mourning Doves to sing their song, each morning a tune so haunting, I hum along.

I feel the heartache they sing about, resonating in my bones.

I sleep a restless sleep each night, nothing comforts my weary eyes, nor my broken body.

Though strength  comes readily each morning, it finds me pushing against it, unwilling to embrace,

Unwilling to submit.

I feel death calling me to join him in his darkest hour, hovering, as if to dance me away to a flowery pasture with honey filled combs to eat and to quench my lips, and caress my body.

The sweetest fruits falling at my feet, water so pure, and clear, sky so blue, promises without heartache.

Seeing you, again.

I smile with my eyes closed, dreaming of love and warmth…. But I push on, until my time comes, until it hunts me down, like a thief in the night, stoping my beating heart, releasing my soul to flight.

Releasing my pain, rendering this body from encapsulating my spirit.

I will hunt for you, when I’m free and fly on the wings of the most high, searching like a beacon in the night.

Sounding my trumpet in hopes of finding you again.

I will sing as the Nightingale of my dreams, longing to be free, to love, to be in your arms again.

My heart does burst, face down in this earth, beating my fists, I wait, my love, I wait.

The days grow long, nights seem  never ending, pain and heartache, no forgetting!

how I wonder through the echos of my maddened mind,  the corners of my wretched heart, ravished by this time of grief,      so unkind,     still its mine.

Written by yours truly #sage A.K.A #christifoss