Sunday, May 15, 2011

A Childhood Memory

I was five and it was a sunny day with a few puffy white clouds in the sky and out the back door I went to lay in the grass. We lived in a white two story home in a nice neighborhood, we had the biggest yard on the street, so I thought, really everyone had big yards but our yard really big and the woods were behind us.
My best friend lived up on top of the hill from me  I met her in kindergarten, we played almost everyday after school which was just about to end .
As I lay in the grass staring into the sky wondering about Jesus and God and the things I had remembered from Sunday school, I saw a butterfly, a "flutterby"  as Christopher Robin called them, and I thought Lord if you make me a butterfly I could fly up there and see you.
I would ponder for a long time about how I could get there to see God and birds would fly over I would ask him to make me a bird because I wanted to come see him so bad and bounce on those puffy clouds.
Days went by and I could hardly wait for school to get out so I could get home and lay in the grass and look up in the sky and have a little talk with the God . Then out of no where I heard a voice speak to me It was very soft but like a fathers voice strong but quiet. I did not think it was scary or strange I just would talk to him like I would talk to anyone else and I would tell him all about my day  and ask him things and he would tell me things ,some things that I did not quite understand very well at first.Then I started to have dreams many dreams some were very scary about wars and about floods and earthquakes and so many people dying I would wake in the middle of the night screaming. Then I would talk to him about these things . It went on for years .I went to church I think when I was 12  I was preaching for the fist time was in the youth group and on the prayer chain and if you have not guessed by now I went to a church that was a full gospel church.
My parents did not go to church, but made us kids go. My aunt Clara who was like my second mother to me was so very inspirational to me growing up. She is a Christian still and is 80. She is also a great Artist.
These Memories of me when I was younger  are like they were yesterday. I still remember lying in the grass , I can still see those same puffy clouds, and I can still hear the Lords voice as he speaks to me even though sometimes I may not always do as he says.
It is hard these things sometimes he asks of me. I know that my job is  different. I know that I am probably not where I should be.Journeys are hard to make sometimes. They require  so much of you and you have to be willing to give all you have when you make your journey.Once in a great while we can take the wrong way and end up on a wrong road and find we are in a place we feel broken or abandoned or maybe lost. Then that is when you pick up and move on and journey  till you find where your feet are meant to be planted and rooted. Without roots you will not grow. I feel like sometimes I am not growing anymore, I have let my roots get knoted up maybe I dont know I will have to work on it. I know I have a big job to do.My spiritual journey has really  changed in recent times, but I know it is calling me.I have a heart so full of love it is hard to contain and I know I need to help those that are in need.Some days I just want to lay in the grass and thank God for the beautiful flowers and trees and butterflys and birds and all the lovely people he created and the puffy clouds ... and sing to him like I use to do as a child and he would sing back it was so lovely, I knew I was truly loved by God.

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